After coming home from the hospital with your new little one or coming home with your newly adopted child, stop, take a breath, and look at how beautiful your new little one is. Always remember your child’s beauty and how lucky you are to be this child’s parent(s). Below are some feelings and emotions that you may go through after bringing your child home and they are all normal experiences:
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After the birth delivery of your child or adopting your child, it is normal to experience being in a little bit of shock. After all, you were expecting a child with two ears when most of us worry about making sure all of their fingers and toes are present.
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It is normal to experience feelings of remorse or guilt because you don’t understand what has just happened and wonder if you or your husband are the reason for causing your child’s Microtia, Atresia, Hemifacial Microsomia, Treacher Collins, or Goldenhar Syndrome.
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It is perfectly fine to experience feelings of anger and sadness. Especially, when you ate healthy and did everything right during your pregnancy and you just can not understand how this has happened.
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It is normal to find yourself becoming frustrated with doctors and medical professionals when seeking medical guidance for your child. Microtia and Atresia is fairly rare, therefore, many medical professionals may not be able to provide you with all of the information that is needed right away.
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It is normal to feel alone. Since Microtia and Atesia is rare, you may not find someone who is in your same shoes that you can speak with right away. You may worry that your child will grow up never meeting someone just like him/her. As you begin speaking with other families and individuals who have Microtia and Atresia, you soon will feel better and realize that you and your child are not alone. Even seeing photos of individuals with Microtia and Atresia can help you realize you are not alone.
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It is normal to shy away from family and friends when you have had your child at first. This is only a part of you protecting your child from questions that may be asked. As a parent, you have every right to naturally want to protect your child. You don’t want your child to be hurt or ridiculed. Since it is early on, you may still be experiencing being in shock and blaming yourself. You will get past this, just give it some time.
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If you notice yourself taking pictures of your child where you are focusing on only showing his/her non-Microtic ear in the photos, or the better side of his/her face, this is normal too. Yes, deep down you may realize what you are doing and actually feel ashamed about yourself and your decision to do this. You may also still be trying to figure out what you say to others who ask. This is just your way of dealing with your own emotions and feelings. Some mothers may go through this for the first few months before feeling better about the birth of their child and that their child is still beautiful and that one ear missing or both ears missing no longer matters. This is just a way of protecting your child in the means of trying to prevent family and friends from raising questions when seeing the photographs. No parent ever wants their child ridiculed nor do they enjoy answering awkward questions that others may ask. Sometimes, the tone of the questions can set a parent off. So, this is just your way of “dealing” with your own emotions at first. Before long, you’ll be taking a million pictures of those beautiful little ears and you won’t even think about it anymore.
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If you enjoy telling others about your child’s ear or about Microtia and Atresia this is great. However, as your child gets older and begins to understand you, think about how this may be affecting your child. Try not to draw attention to your child’s Microtia and Atresia so they don’t think they are different. Same thing if you choose surgery…it is possible that if you still enjoy telling others about your child’s surgical experience, that he/she may not want to talk about it anymore and may like to just move forward. Your child may not want anyone to know about his/her new ear or that they had a Microtia ear in the past. So, as proud as you may be or as excited as you may be to talk about your child’s Microtia and Atresia, you may be annoying your child or hurting their feelings without realizing it. Just be considerate of your child and his/her feelings as they get older. Chances are, if you raise your child to love themselves and love their ear, knowing that they are no different from any other child, even following surgery, they cherish the memories of their Microtia ear and be proud to show of their new ear.
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It is normal to feel disappointed and frustrated when being mislead. Take this disappointment and frustration and use it to focus on seeking additional medical opinions as you do your research. Soon, you will feel better about what you have learned and who you feel more comfortable with seeing as a medical professional for your child.
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After the birth of your child, for months to over the first year of his/her life, it is normal to cry or get angry when approached by others in the public who may show curiosity for your child’s ear or crooked smile. The more often this happens to you, you will get better at responding and containing yourself. It will never be easy, but you will learn how to handle the “mean” situations and the just curious situations. You will soon find that often times someone may simply approach you to just tell you how beautiful your child is and not mention anything else at all. So, try not to be defensive all of the time. In time, you also begin getting over those feelings of guilt that make you sensitive to the looks and questions asked in public. As you watch your child grow you will soon see that your little one will be just fine in life.
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It is perfectly fine to want to fight for what your child needs and deserves whether dealing with BAHAs, insurance, IEP and 504 Plans, therapy, etc… This is the true instinct that will come out in any parent. You do what you believe is best for your child and get your child what he/she needs regardless of hearing loss, birth defect, need of care, etc…
